The “I Have A Man” Excuse by Jerry LaVigne Jr.

What can I say? The man is a comical GENIUS!

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

The Hard Questions

My parents never questioned me. They never took the time to look under the
surface to see what I was going through. I didn’t want them to, but they never
tried. Ever. They never did it for my brother or my cousin Kia either. I was
depressed for about a year. I was a functioning corpse. I was dead inside.

I pride myself on being able to hide my emotions well, but maybe if they
questioned me and made the effort I wouldn’t have to hide my emotions.
Everything was always “be tough” and because of that I have a serious anger
problem, I find it hard to trust others, I view crying as a sign of weakness,
and I hide everything.

I was thinking about my unborn children yesterday and how I would have a very
open line of communication with them. If they always seem happy, I’m going to
question that. If they never have any relationship questions or concerns I’m
going to question that. I’m asking all the hard questions parents don’t ask
their kids, because that’s the easiest way to get through. I won’t ever give
them the opportunity to think I’m their best friend, but I will talk to them and
help them. Using fear as a rearing technique is old and encourages defiance, in
my opinion. Parents always use that “been there, done that” line. Obviously
not…obviously fucking not. Because if they did, they would see the signs of
everything they supposedly went through. And if they do see the signs and aren’t
saying anything..their neglectful parents.

So many tears, crimes, and self-injuries can be or could have been prevented.
Parents are so concerned with themselves, they don’t have time to think about
the miracle they gave birth to. But that won’t be me. I wouldn’t wish heartbreak
on my worst enemy, because that pain is worse than anything in this world. So,
yeah, I’m going to ask the hard questions.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Dear Secret Holder…

“I remember the first day
I met you
we were so young
you were a blessing
and there was no guessing
you were the one “

-Good Man by India Arie

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

The Professor

He is intelligent, with a sense of humor. I can appreciate that, because it’s so uncommon for me to encounter. But I can’t approach him, because he’s married. Not that I would have the balls to do it anyway I’m just saying. Unfortunate, because I’m attracted to this older gentleman who I can really learn from. Older? Tiffaney Danielle? Yes, there are still many things to learn about me.

Back to…what shall I don him? The Professor. Sounds appropriate, due to my ability to learn from him and his life experiences. It’s a different kind of attraction, because it’s not purely physical. I drifted off one day and imagined how a date between us would go. It was mature, for lack of a better word. It wasn’t dinner and a movie, or dinner at the movies. It was an elegant restaurant with stimulating conversation, I’ve grown to appreciate stimulating conversation sprinkled with humor. But like I said, he’s married. I have morals and excellent parents who raised me to respect myself and others. But I can dream, my dreams are my own so no judging.

I came to the realization that even if he wasn’t married, it wouldn’t last long. I figure our honeymoon phase would last about 6 or 7 months, and our similar interests wouldn’t be enough to hold us. I would want to go to happy hour, but he would be content with staying home watching CNN or reading a book. His prime’s already passed, and mine is just beginning. I want to go clubbing, but would feel guilty that he couldn’t join me or that he’s not into that anymore. *sigh* I guess I’ll stick to my dreams, because there anything goes.

Something buoyant.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

The Fuck Buddy

This is my third time trying to write this by the way.

Okay, so me and Gabbi have this inside joke.

“But if I was a hoe…”

Make sure you emphasize ‘was’ by dragging it out and end it with joyous laughter.

Okay, so me and Gabbi have this joke where were describing if were hoes we would have no-strings attached sex with one of our friends.

I don’t want to ever think of myself as a hoe, I have too much self-respect for that. But I’m curious as to why these girls are flinging themselves at these guys…is the sex really that good? Are they trying out new tricks? What the hell is going on that is making these girls not give a damn about who they have meaningless sex with?

And this is the part where the joke starts to make sense. If I was a hoe, I sure would find the hell out. And I know it’s hard to be alone while you watch your friends go on dates and things of that nature, but you don’t want that for yourself? You just want him for the night and then have that awkward feeling next time you guys see each other? It’s not worth it in my opinion. I’ve seen how awkward a situation can get:

I’m talking to my friend.
His fuck buddy walks up.
She looks at me.
Looks back at him.
Walks away looking pissed.
Umm…awk-ward.

Yeah, I really don’t understand why just because he’s cute your willing to sacrifice your self-respect. Someone please explain this! It’s not like these are 30 year old divorced single mothers. These are barely 21 year old Howard University students. We have GOTS to do better.

Flex on the devil.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

“Who is he?”

I’m at the point where I’m ready, and no longer rebounding. But, I always find myself wondering if will he be ready. This HE I’m referring to is the next guy I will be in a relationship with. Will he be ready for my past? Instead of explaining who Zeus was..should I just let him read my blog? What if he doesn’t like the idea of blogs? What if he doesn’t understand why I blog? Do I have to explain that too? Do I have to dig deep into my past just to unlock the door to my future?

Am I really ready to be judged by someone I care about? What if he doesn’t judge you say? He’ll judge me. No doubt about that, he’ll judge me. Unless I keep everything to myself. I’ll just say Zeus is an ex and it didn’t work out. That way I save a hell of a lot of explaining. But if I can’t even communicate with him, what’s the point? Why go through the trouble of disguising my past with a band aid and a pretty little bow, just to pretend I’m who I am today for no reason at all? Okay, too many question marks.

This is difficult. Every other day I tell myself I’m ready, but the hurt me is saying “No, fuck it.” Is this how the remainder of my life is going to be? Scared to feel and love, for fear of being hurt again? I don’t know. If you would have caught me two years ago I would have had all the answers. But now I’m lost. I guess I have to just wing it.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Zeus

What can I say? Better yet, what did you expect? Let me back up. Zeus and I had a very long conversation, where I did most of the talking.

“I love you and I always will, but I can’t be in love with you anymore.”

Which is true. This epiphany came when I was crying, yet again, about why he and I couldn’t be together.

I said to my best friend Marteesha “I’m never going to be good enough for him.”

Two seconds went by and I snapped out of that bullshit. I still can’t believe I let those words escape the confines of my mind. I will always be good enough for him. He is not above me and I will never sink that low again. This is the one time that never will hold true.

So where are we now you ask? Friends, who will always have a flame for each other. I don’t think we can control ourselves. As I write this, my breathing is still heavy from our late night convo. Every muscle in my body is relaxed, thanks Zeus. His girlfriend? Oh, she knows what’s going on. The pictures, the late night convos, and the fact that he can’t tell me no. Oh well, he aint my boyfriend.

I’m not playing the fool again. No sir, not after that ordeal. I’m also not going to be bitter and sabotage my future relationships with “Zeus did this” and “Zeus did that”. I’m not letting Zeus destroy my trust for others. It simply wouldn’t be fair. So I say to my future significant other “Don’t worry about my past, you are my present.”

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Unthinkable.

I love the Unthinkable video by Alicia Keys. I especially love the fact that it revolves around interracial relationships, and I love the fact that Chad Michael Murray is the leading lad in this joint. If you didn’t know that Tiffaney Danielle had “Jungle Fever” you do now. I’m actually looking forward to my date with Jason when I get back to DC.

Stats:

Jayson
Age: 21
College: George Washington University
Major: Political Science
Race: White

If I ever brought Jason home my parents would have a fit. More likely my father than my mother. Why can’t he see passed the race, because at the end of the day he’s still human. He’s a really nice guy, with his priorities in order. Most people would see this act as switching sides, but most people can kiss my ass. My parents expect me to wait around for the perfect Black man to show up and sweep me off my feet, do men of any other race fail to possess this quality? Nope. So I’m going to find the man, whatever race he may be, that makes me happy. If my parents or anyone else can’t deal with that, then they should say their good-bye’s now.

And I know my faithful readers might have some questions for me, you know what to do. http://formspring.me/TiffaneyB

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Muffin.

Me and Gabbi..she has a blog =]

Wow. I just meandered on over to my friend Gabbi’s blog. The post was entitled Freshman Year Memories. “aint nobody tell yo ass to jump over the bed” -Muffin by P!NK <–that was me, when I was on blogspot, doesn't it seem like all the inexperienced bloggers start there?

I saw the name Muffin and thought "Damn..that seemed like a long time ago." If yall don't know about Muffin, don't feel bad. He has only been mentioned in one post on my blog. Muffin is my ex-boyfriend Asim. But damn, that brought back a time when I was so unwise. I didn’t really think before I acted, so mistakes weren’t a rare occurance.

Why did I lie to him? I wasn’t in love with him, but I said “i love you” everytime we got on or off the phone. He said it too, and I’m still not sure if he meant it or not. I feel so fucked up, I don’t even care if he meant it or not. It was me that I was lying to. Why though? He respected me enough to take things as slow as I wanted and I still was untrue. But what can you do? You live and you learn, besides I’m a women now.

Something light.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Post Secrets vol. 1

If he ever asked me to marry him I would say yes, and pull out the wedding plans I’ve had since last year.

I’m slowly losing faith in men, even the good ones are cheating now.

Stay tuned.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle