#ifyoureallyknewme by TiffaneyDanielle

#ifyoureallyknewme

You would know that my silence is what made me stronger.

You would understand why I’m angry and mean.

You wouldn’t wonder why, sometimes, I don’t want to be beautiful.

You could understand why I hate change.

Oh, #ifyoureallyknewme

My tears wouldn’t surprise you.

My attitude wouldn’t phase you.

You could see right through my “I’m fine”

Oh how I wish #youreallyknewme

Then I wouldn’t have to explain everything.

But you don’t really know me.

Oh, but #ifyoureallyknewme

I wouldn’t have to explain the scars.

I wouldn’t have to fake a smile for you.

I wouldn’t have to cry alone in the dark every night.

But that’s okay.

I have sisters who really know me.

And when they’re around.

I don’t feel as lonely.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Prima Ballerina

For ten years I danced. From age two to twelve I did ballet, tap, and jazz. I loved it, especially tap. But for the passed year I have found myself enraptured in ballet. Stretching, practicing my leaps, pirouettes, etc. I can still remember my father taking me to go see The Nutcracker and the heartbreak of us leaving early, because he thought it was boring. But I still remember how the ballerina twirled effortlessly through the props on stage. It was beautiful.

But I said all that to say that…I am minoring in dance. I’m nervous. What will my parents say? Am I even good enough? Am I too old? Is it pointless? What if they think I’m really good? Should I pursue this? I am aware that I don’t have the typical ballerina body, the torso atleast. My legs are strong ass hell and my arms are 90% stronger than I remember.

What will my parents say? They can’t say its pointless, because they paid for ten years of dance lessons. Maybe I could double minor. No. They won’t even consider me messing up my “important” classes for some dance classes. We’ll see where this goes.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

*I must really love all my readers, because I’m sharing personal thoughts more and more with each post*

Leaving the nest

I’ve been apartment shopping for a week now. I know! I am not financially able to consider the possibility of moving out of my parents home. But the thought is nice. Everyone is out there living independently and I’m over here begging for ten dollars just to wash my clothes. I can handle living on my own, I just need a real income. (I work part time at a clothing store)

However, I’ve established my credit. I’ve had my credit card since I was 18 and I have been paying on it to build my credit. Only now its different, because my mother is helping me with some of those payments while I’m in school. I envy those who have left the nest, because I still have to hear “Where, Who, When, Why”. Doesn’t it matter? I’m grown.

I’ve had a wonderful home life, but its annoying keeping up this front with them. I get noise when I lock my door..seriously? Why can’t I lock my door..I’m 20. What’s off limits to me, that I would want to do alone in the house with yall? Exactly.And its not like I have a history of doing reckless things, I’m the good child lol. But what can I do until then except wait?

Patience is a virtue.

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle

Seriously..Grow Up!

So! Im back..im Black! Of course something happened that whole day i didnt blog..of course..cuz im Tiffaney Danielle’.

So my mother, nephew, grandmother, and I are headed to Seaside Heights @ 7 am. Why?? Because we had to go get my brother out of jail..yea..i kno..but i went anyway.

He had a warrant for his arrest..because he failed to show up to court…even though he told my mother he went. UGH! again with the lieing!!!!!!

Im sick of this shit! He always in trouble..always drunk..and never take care of his son..mind you he has 2 kids. He 27..its not gon change..i say kick him out but no one wants to listen to me..wtf!
Not to mention that when we all made it back home..he leaves right out with the same people that got him in trouble…i dont understand!!! This shit is crazy..but they let him keep gettin away wit it..

JUST AN UPDATE..

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle’

Can you forgive and forget/fake fam..

“i love you..and it was only once..or twice”

I was raised to believe that family is first then there’s everything else. Death Before Dishonor [possible tattoo]. I have no tolerance for cheating..point blank. The shit is unacceptable to ME. If you wanna cheat im not gon call you a whore and all that other bullshit cuz who the fuck am i??
ANYWAY..

I assumed [assumption is the lowest form of knowledge] that since i was raised this way that everyone in the family had the same beliefs..like i said, assumption is the lowest form of knowledge…but that is hardly the case. Now I have no problem with accepting kids that have been adopted into the family..in my eyes your blood now. I love my adopted cousins and my “half cousin” Karisma..ask any real friend..me n Karisma are closer than most sisters. But moving on to more important things..

My grandfather stepped out on my Grandmother and had about 5 illigitimate children. It bothered me becuase I have no toleration for cheating, but that fact that you cheated on my Grandmother makes this situation 10x worse. The thing is…they came to the house while I was at school all happy and shit for a cookout. My Grandmother was salty [of course] and didnt want to hug them..she didnt come out and say it, but she her body language speaks for her. My mother couldnt understand why she wouldnt want to hug them. I did..and i dont wanna fuckin meet them. Yall not family to me..everybody else dont care, but fuck that. “They thought she was the otha woman” Dont insult my intelligence..how was my Grandmother the other woman when he lived with her? Dont sit and here and tell me that your homewrecking ass mother was that oblivious to the fact that he didnt live there. I dont call them my uncles..nor will I ever call them uncles. I laugh when i say it to keep my anger from surfacing. Dont fucking call me your niece, dont touch me, & dont inquire about me. Your kids? Those are not my little cousins. The fact that my father keeps a picture of those lil kids in his planner next to my picture bothers me so much. I dont want to meet them. I know my grandfather is no where near innocent at all and i will never forgive him for being one of the males in my life that has caused me to shed a tear. Family is the most important thing to me, and for someone to jeopardize a family for his dick is so selfish. I wish i wouldve never known about these illigitimate beings that are temporarily in the family. My father keeps telling me “They have his blood running through their veins” That means NOTHING. They were mistakes and thats all they will be viewed as.

Can you forgive and forget when this kind of situation occurs? Cuz i damn sure cant..

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle’